Today has been a bad day for Mom. It’s day 14 after chemo round 1. She said her hair is starting to fall out but she’s not ready to cut it yet. She wasn’t feeling great this morning and when I called tonight, Dad said she has had a rough day and was in bed. I am worried about her and trying to tell myself that this is just what cancer is like.
I went over early this morning and she was up eating oatmeal (with raisins, just like I make it) and offered me some. We sat and ate and I showed her some bargains I found this week (which she admired). A few minutes later she told me she had just thrown up, took some anti nausea medicine, and went back to bed for a while. I slept too. When I woke up and checked on her she had also just awakened so we watched the PBS shows that we both love the most (America’s Test Kitchen and Oklahoma Gardening) and talked about how much we use the information from those two shows. Then we went out on the deck and sorted daffodil bulbs, dipped them in fungicide and she sent them home with me. I left around lunch time with some delicious roast, potatoes, carrots, and bread (extra food that people had brought to them) as well as a bag of daffodil bulbs for my garden.
How did she do that? How did I end up just talking to my Mom about my life like nothing was different and leaving with food and flowers when she is so sick? I know that the answer is “because she’s your Mom” but that answer doesn’t change the feeling I have that I have been in the presence of Great Love today.
I just feel really sad tonight that there’s nothing I can do to make her better. And nothing I can do to make her live forever.
“Her children rise up and call her blessed” Proverbs 31:28